Selfish leaders can drain confidence, distort reality and trigger burnout, but support can be a turning point. Drawing on a case study, this article shares coaching tools to build awareness, protect boundaries and respond strategically. Josefine Campbell shows how clients can restore resilience, reclaim agency and even thrive at work.
Selfish leaders prioritise their personal gain over the well-being of their teams and can create a toxic ripple effect in the workplace. Whether as a professional coach, an empathetic colleague, or a mentor, supporting someone under the strain of selfish leadership is a delicate yet impactful opportunity to make a difference.
Help people cope with selfish leaders and also thrive
This article offers actionable coaching strategies, insights, and a vivid case study to help people cope with selfish leaders and also thrive despite such challenges.
Case study: Marie
Marie was a high-performing middle manager at a multinational corporation, known for her keen eye for detail and the ability to inspire her team. Her leadership had a tangible impact, her team not only met but often exceeded their targets, fostering a culture of high morale and collaboration. Marie’s office was always filled with the buzz of camaraderie, and her employees often credited her for creating an environment where they felt valued and motivated.
But not far from Marie’s bustling workspace was her boss Martin’s office, a place that felt cold and intimidating. Martin, a selfish leader in every sense, ruled through manipulation and control. While he could be charming in the presence of higher-ups, his interactions with his direct reports often left them demoralised and uncertain. For Marie, his unpredictable behaviour became a persistent source of stress.
Stress and the boss’s boss
Marie’s challenges with Martin came to a head during a high stakes meeting with Martin and his boss Alfred. In the room, the tension was palpable. Martin, with a practiced air of authority, began by critiquing Marie’s recent project, dismissing her meticulously prepared materials with cold indifference. As Marie presented, her hands trembled, her voice faltered, and the room seemed to close in around her.
When Martin accused her of failing to update the figures, a claim she knew was untrue, her cheeks flushed, and she struggled to respond. Alfred sat silently, watching the exchange unfold, offering no support. It was two against one, and Marie felt every ounce of the imbalance. The humiliation culminated when Martin, with an icy smile, questioned her competence in front of Alfred. Fighting back tears, Marie barely made it through the meeting before rushing to the restroom, where she broke down in sobs.
Deep reaction
Marie’s breakdown was not just a moment of personal despair but a reflection of the emotional toll that selfish leadership can exact. She found herself questioning her abilities, despite years of accomplishments and recognition. Sleepless nights and persistent self-doubt became her norm. Marie began to withdraw from her team, the vibrant leader they once knew now overshadowed by stress and exhaustion.
This this pivotal moment marked the beginning of Marie’s coaching journey, which is explored in my book 12 Tools for Managing a Selfish Leader. Marie’s coach, Caroline, helped her understand that her reactions were a natural response to the dynamics of selfish leadership, not a reflection of her capabilities. Together, they began the work of rebuilding her resilience, navigating Martin’s behaviours, and reclaiming her sense of agency.
Help and support
Marie’s experience offers a powerful lens for understanding the destructive dynamics of selfish leadership. It also illustrates the transformative potential of coaching. As a coach or colleague, your role is to help individuals like Marie articulate their struggles, uncover their strengths, and equip themselves with strategies to not just endure but emerge stronger.
Coaching framework: Supporting clients under selfish leaders
1. Build awareness of the situation
Begin by helping your client articulate their experiences.
- What patterns of behaviour do they observe in their leader?
- How do these behaviours impact their work and well-being?
Tools like the Awareness Matrix can help them discern when they’re emotionally “hijacked” and when they’re operating from a place of mental agility. A key here is to identify their trickers and explore the dynamics of how personal boundaries are being trespassed.
Encourage your client to relive and describe a specific moment with their leader. For instance, Marie’s quivering hands during Martin’s accusatory comments in the meeting. Use these moments to help clients understand how their emotional responses are shaped.
2. Strengthen emotional and strategic resilience
Selfish leaders can sap energy and focus. Introduce tools like the Power Barometer, available for free on my website, to help clients gauge their personal energy levels and replenish themselves before burnout occurs.
Practical actions include scheduling regular breaks and prioritising self-care routines.
3. Coach tactical responses to stay sane
Selfish leaders will often reality distort, making the person feel wrong. It will twist their reality, gaslighting them. Therefore, advise clients to keep records of key communications and align their objectives with their leader’s stated goals. This approach not only provides clarity but also protects against manipulation.
You should also encourage clients to cultivate relationships with mentors, colleagues, or external support systems. This can serve as a counterbalance to the negativity within the organisation.
After her breakdown, Marie got coaching. Her coach, Caroline, guided her through the following steps:
- Energy awareness
Using the Power Barometer, Marie identified that her energy was consistently low due to sleepless nights and work stress. She committed to small daily changes, like morning walks and journaling - Strategic framing
Together, they restructured how Marie communicated with Martin, focusing on concise updates tied to shared goals - Seeking allies
Marie strengthened her network by confiding in a trusted colleague who provided emotional support and perspective
With these steps, Marie began reclaiming her confidence, and her relationship with Martin shifted to a more professional dynamic.
Key takeaways for coaches
- Recognise the human toll
Selfish leadership creates real, often invisible wounds. Listening deeply is your first and most powerful step - Empower clients to act strategically
By focusing on energy, boundaries, and documentation, clients can regain a sense of agency - Promote resilience and growth
While working under selfish leadership is difficult, it can also provide invaluable lessons in leadership and personal strength
Supporting clients with selfish leaders is about equipping them to lead their own journey with resilience and purpose. With the right coaching, every “Marie” can rediscover their strength and turn adversity into growth.
The sad truth is that most leaders on a Vice President level in most large corporations will understand from experience what I write about here. Because if they had not found their way managing selfish leadership, they would not have made it to the VP-level in the hierarchy. Though most leaders are responsible people with empathy, it is so common to have a selfish leader.
Josefine Campbell is an Executive Coach, Founder of Campbell Co., and the author of 12 Tools for Managing a Selfish Leader
