Erika Gati-Howe provides advice for recognising, understanding and supporting employees with grief.
COVID-19 is the biggest global crisis that we’re likely to see in our lifetime – affecting people personally, collectively and professionally. Sadly, as the pandemic has progressed, more people will be dealing with grief.
If one of your employees loses a loved one, it can be difficult to know how to help, especially if they’re still working from home. However, providing emotional and practical support at this time will help them, their family and other colleagues within your organisation.
Recognise the five stages of grief
There are five stages of grief from denial and anger to depression, bargaining, and acceptance. This is not a linear process and people can dip in and out of these stages. It is important to recognise that each person grieves in a very different way and at different speeds.
It’s especially important for managers to understand that a quick return to work doesn’t mean it’s ‘business as usual’.
How a person grieves will depend on many factors and there is no right or wrong way. While managers should try and signpost to support, try not to tell them what they should be feeling or doing.
Allow time and space to acknowledge colleagues’ feelings if they wish to. Some people find it beneficial to write down their thoughts and feelings as a way of being able to express them, some find it easier to speak about them, others might use different creative ways and there will be people who may find it difficult to talk about how they feel.
Know your policies and support systems
Companies will have policies in place for bereavement, which may have been updated for the current situation. Understanding these policies will help provide the right guidance.
Many companies may also have trained staff members or faith-based and other employee support groups who are able to speak with an employee. They may also have EAPs offering confidential advice and support. It is common that employees may not want to share their feelings with their manager or members of the same team so make sure you encourage them to use these services.
Understand where work comes in someone’s grieving process
When you first hear about the bereavement, it is important to acknowledge the loss, offer your condolences and make sure that your employee knows that work comes second at this time, that you are there to support them in whatever way they need. The manager does not need to be a bereavement and loss expert, refer the employees to expert services.
For some people, work is an important coping mechanism. It can be a welcome distraction – some people find that it provides some normality and routine, even when that is only logging on remotely. It’s especially important for managers to understand that a quick return to work doesn’t mean it’s ‘business as usual’.
Consider a phased or part-time return – whatever the employee might find useful and manageable.
Limit your expectations of those experiencing grief and don’t assume that they’ll be able to perform at the same level straight away – even if they’re keen to get back to work. People grieve at different speeds and in different ways, depending on the circumstances of the loss and bereavement. It may be weeks or months before they’re able to perform at the level they once did.
Consider resourcing and support within the wider team
It’s often worth considering what further support can be made available to the employee and the wider team. It is important to make the employee part of this discussion and consider each person’s needs and circumstances individually. This will give the colleague affected the chance to take time off if needed, while helping others manage in their absence.
About the author
Erika Gati-Howe is an EAP counsellor at Bupa UK