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L Vaughan Spencer

By L Vaughan Spencer (July 2008 Issue)
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According to recent research, from Professor Krench of Succeeder Lab, 73 per cent of us spend most of ourtime at work angry. What makes us so angry?

Colleagues 11%
Colleagues’ clothes 5%
Boss 22%
Boss’s clothes 3%
Boss moving the goal posts 10%
Not having any goal posts 9%
Computer 33%
Coffee machine 2%
Having to queue for lunch 4%
Somebody else’s ‘funny’ ring-tone 1%
The dearth of proper hand-drying facilities in the toilet either because the hand-dryer doesn’t work or because there aren’t enough paper towels 21%
World poverty 1%

Have you thought about attending an Anger Management course or working with a coach on your anger? Notice I don’t talk about anger reduction or getting rid of anger. Read my article in the Journal of Anger Management called “Why anger is good” (though they did cut part of it, which pissed me off big-time).

Anger helps us prioritise and focus. Anger is a natural thing and you don’t get anywhere by denying it. So understand your Anger. Embrace it, invite it in for a cup of tea and a bit of chat. Feed and nourish it. Own it. Then let it go. Give it to someone else. Maybe someone in the lunch queue.

How angry are you?

Here is a test to see if you need to go to see a Succeeder Anger Management Therapist (yours truly, most likely!).

Think of a colleague who really annoys you. When you see him, do you want to:

(a) Hit him?

(b) Take him to one side and explain that you have issues with his behaviours?

(c) Nobody annoys me that much.

Your boss has just passed you over for promotion. You go to ask her why. Do you:

(a) Pull a gun on her?

(b) Explain that you would like to be promoted next time and ask for mentoring?

(c) You didn’t even notice someone got prmoted.

Someone in your team has made a terrible error, costing the company thousands of pounds. Do you:

(a) Make them re-mortgage their house to pay back the money?

(b) Talk them through how the mistake occurred and ensure it’s not repeated?

(c) Hey, money – schmoney! Whatever...

You are in the motivational guru business. One of your rivals nicks your ideas and puts them in a book. Then he nicks your wife. Do you:

(a) Go round to his house, daub his car with white paint and fill his letter-box with the fantastic feedback forms from your latest course?

(b) Try to get in touch with your wife through solicitors?

(c) Accept that what’s done is done and move on with your life.

(d) All of the above. Like me.

How did you rate? Mostly (a) – Yes, you are angry. Come on a Succeeder Cross-Patch Course. Mostly (b) – No, you are not too angry. Well done. Mostly (c) – Wake up!

Often the problem is not anger but a lack of facilities for expressing it. With several organisations we have created a safe space for Holistic Howling. It’s sound-proofed (though ‘thrash metal’ music is piped in loudly), with punch-bags laid on, as well as a computer terminal made of sponge that can be kicked around the room and a dart-board with photographs of company personnel that can be attached. (We also have an emergency supply of paper towels for the 21 per cent who have a major issue with this).

If you find you need to visit, you are allowed to go immediately with no more explanation than “I need a Tantrum Trip”. You put a red Post-It note on your forehead and people must get out of your way. But you can stay no longer than three and a half hours, by which time it is hoped that the Monster Moment has passed and the meeting can resume or, in a recent case with a client and me, the one-on-one anger management session.

Check out L. Vaughan Spencer’s new training videos and contact him at www.succeed-e-vision.com

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