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Peter Honey

By Peter Honey (January 2008 Issue)
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As the author of a few management/selfhelp books, I have always been a little hurt at the disdain in which they are held by so many people and, in particular, by managers. There is a regular column in the Times where captains of industry are asked, amongst other things, whether they read management books. Invariably the replies are dismissive: “I didn’t get where I am today by reading management books.” That sort of thing.

I was once incredulous when a CEO (he shall remain nameless), who had actually written to me saying how much he had enjoyed my book 50 Cautionary Tales for Managers, categorically denied, in a subsequent newspaper interview, that he ever read any management books. Perhaps managers secretly lap up management books (in plain cover wrappers of course!) but are ashamed to admit it? Maybe it is all part of keeping up that absurd, ‘I’m invincible, I know everything, I don’t need any help’ front.

Recently I read about a lady who was mildly dissatisfied with her life and decided to read lots of self-help books and to put their ideas into practice*. For two years she studied books on how to be happy, how to have good relationships, how to be a good parent, how to think positively, how to manage her finances, how to start her own business and so on. Inevitably she found many of the books banal and insufferably shrill, but she persevered, determined to extract ideas she could implement.

She claims that her experiment ended in disillusion and that, if anything, the books had a negative impact on her self-esteem. She found that “too much introspection and self-indulgent navel-gazing can mess up your mind”, and that the books “promised more than they can deliver”. She also came to the conclusion that people who turn to self-help books are seeking the “comfort of an expert telling them what to do”.

Oh dear! Conscious that the tide is running against me, what can I possibly say in mitigation? I can only repeat the advice I give to myself when seeking to extract value from self-help-type books. (even if there is something vaguely tautological about offering advice on how to take advice!).

  • Ignore the style (sometimes difficult, I admit) and concentrate on the substance.
  • Only expect to get a maximum of three potentially useful ideas from each book. Even one idea will do; be determined to extract it.
  • As you read the book, highlight potentially useful ideas and/or list them on a piece of paper (and note the page numbers in case you want to find them again).
  • Expect even potentially useful ideas to be generalisations. It’s up to you to work out how to convert them into something practicable in your circumstances.
  • Look more favourably upon ideas that build on things you are already good at rather than those that invite you to overcome weaknesses. • Even if you are lucky enough to find three ideas, only implement them one at a time. • Persevere with whatever you decide to implement. Give it a chance to work, don’t give up on it too early.

I suspect that one of the reasons why so many people are disappointed with self-help books is that they approach them with unrealistic expectations. It is simply not possible for a book, any book, to change your life. All it can do is give you some ideas that you might not otherwise have thought of. The rest is up to you.

For example, I got a really helpful idea from a self-help book I read more than 25 years ago (A Guide to Personal Happiness by Albert Ellis). The idea was this: your reaction to a situation is determined more by what you are thinking about the situation than the situation itself. Over the years I have experimented with this ostensibly simple idea. It has given me a practical way to approach difficult situations that, unchecked, can easily send you into a spiral of negative thoughts and unproductive behaviour.

My point is that Ellis may have given me the idea, but I made it work. And, by the way, I hated the typeface and style of the book! This is why I recommend that you focus on the content and winkle out the ideas that could be useful to you.

So, since it is the season for those infamous New Year Resolutions, why not test out my seven steps on any management/self-help book of your choice and see if they help to restore your faith in the usefulness of such things.

One more bit of advice; remember what Bertrand Russell said. “A good life starts only when you stop wanting a better one.” That should keep your feet firmly on the ground.

*Jennifer Niesslein, Practically Perfect in Every Way, Putnam, ISBN 100399153918

Dr Peter Honey, FRSA, FCIPD, FIMC is a chartered psychologist and founder of Peter Honey Publications. He can be contacted on +44 (0) 1628 633946, at peterhoney@peterhoney.com or visit www.peterhoney.com.

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