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L Vaughan Spencer

By L Vaughan Spencer (December 2007 Issue)
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Is yours a Dream Team or a Slack Pack? Is your crew at their peak or terminally weak? Do they Form? Yep! Do they Norm? Easy! Storm? No way. More like Swarm to the Dorm for a Yawn!

So where can we look for examples of best practice in teamwork? How about professional soccer – the Premier League? Players are overpaid, have no loyalty to the organisation
and don’t work for two months of every year. See any parallels with your outfit?

Case Study

A team wasn’t working well. Then they came on a Succeedy Squad Session©. Now they are working well, and making cakes for each other every Friday.

A non-performing team is like a family sitting in a car not moving. Pretty soon, the windows steam up. They can’t see what’s going on outside. What to do? They can either

a) Stop breathing
b) Wind down the window.

For most organisations, the first is not an option. (There are exceptions, mostly in the hospitality industry.) So it’s time to let in some fresh air. That’s what I am. Like a window, I can
wind people up. I am your wind of change. And I smell good. I can evaporate the condensation of low motivation so you can you see the bigger picture outside.

So, is your posse teaming up or steaming up? This table will tell you.

STEAMED UP              STEAMED UP
Holding grudges        Holding hands
Bugging                       Hugging
Belly-aching                Baking

I have recently returned from South America, where I was studying a primitive people called the Aych-Are Tribe. Little understood and distrustful of strangers, this bloodthirsty group has much to teach us about maintaining peak performance among its members. If anyone is found to be The Gangsta Motivator reveals the mysteries of the Aych-Are tribe falling short, the following timetable is strictly adhered to:

  1. Verbal warning
  2. Written warning
  3. Access to top-class coaching on the issue concerned
  4. Second written warning
  5. Interview, with lawyer or responsible adult present
  6. Death
  7. Appeals process.

However, they do their best to avoid poor performance by holding regular ceremonies, known as Ah-Weh-Daiz.

They leave the safety of their village, and travel medium to long distances to places lacking in all but the most basic of facilities for survival – food, drink, trouser presses and flip-charts. The days are spent in long, demanding sessions during which only a few (never the wisest) speak at length with apparently no purpose.

This is because the evenings are when what really matters most occurs. Sophisticated courtship displays and status rites are enacted around a sacred area known as the Ho-Telbar. Tribal members take on roles quite different from their everyday ones. Sacrifices take place, involving nudity, water, plant pots and sometimes even fire extinguishers. Normality only returns the following morning with the distribution of the holy chits known as the Bah-Beels, which have reduced grown men to quivering wrecks.

Many leave these occasions broken and bloodied. But those who have endured them return strengthened by new knowledge (mostly of the intimate habits of the Elders), which means that one day they will take the place of these Elders. Like all primitive societies, myths build up of the feats achieved during the Ah-Weh-Daiz, which bear little relation to reality.

We could learn much from these tribes, by never allowing our people to go anywhere near such heartless and primitive events.

Xmas advice: avoid perilous party pitfalls

Think fruit. Think water. Remember the five-aday rule. That’s five litres of water per day. This way you will spend much of the time in the toilet, so avoiding any danger.

Take a satsuma with you as well.

Agree? Disagree? Contact L-Vo with your personal or workrelated query via www.Succeedy.com

 

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